Graduate lo!! Cant decide if I should study or work now.. Should I give it a last chance to appeal?
If that's the case I need to forgo all the interviews on hand. And if I still don't manage to get in I have to spend time to look for suitable jobs again and schedule for interview. Which I absolutely hate doing!!

 

Actually I really in need of money now. Where is my payyyyy :(
I need to earn money to support myself and enjoy with overseas trip!! Recently have been planning too many overseas trip. And yay a rather rushy decision to go Hongkong in June!! ^^ Still deciding if I should go Taiwan. Need to save up for Korea during end of the year. Maybe planning a short getaway trip w the girls too. So can money drop from the sky now?!?! Drop onto my hands best uhhhh!!

 

But the thing is I'm afraid that I could not get into university next year again even though I can just work for a year while waiting for the next intake. Although my GPA is good enough, but really don't really want SIM. Regret that I only applied for NTU and I can only pin all my hopes at one university zz.

 

Ahhhh what should I do? :(

 

Nowadays I'm wondering if this is what I want.. Especially when the topic was brought up again and again. To really improve, or? 

Friends or cheer? All along I didn't want to lose any friends just bcos of cheer when friends were what pushed me further in cheer.
Yet sometimes, I really wonder how I am in their eyes. Not only just as a team mate, as a friend too. Honestly it will suck to know if it's team mate > friends. If you get what I mean. Damn all those words starting to appear in my head again sighhh.

Luckily I've got some good buddies who understand how I felt without me explaining much. It really warms my heart when I heard him saying that he'll support me no matter what I do :') As a friend. I just need people to put themselves in my shoes especially after hearing those words. It's not easy at all for me. Not to say until I very pitiful want people to side me, but honestly if you were me what will you do?!?! I didn't want to lose any friends just bcos of my decision, but to think of it what kind of friends are they when they were saying these of me? Really as a friend? Or as a team mate? 

And when the responsibilities is brought in the picture, what else can you do?

As a friend? Yes, as a friend..

Hao wu liao, hao lei ahhhhh.
Need some drama in my life lehhhhhhhh.

(Found this post saved as draft last week)

Trying to find the reason for me to cheer again. So I'm brought back to that period before I joined cheer. Remembered how I saw Monster Cheerleading on TV and was so impressed with what they did and actually thought that it was so cool and I wanted to try it too. Enrolled into SP and saw the Cheerleading booth and joined together with Zoe. Really if Zoe didn't wanna join Cheer together with me I will never have a chance to experience Cheer.

Year 1.







Remembered how we went for the tryout trainings. Even simple stunt like bench press doesn't seem very simple back then. Forget how we really got close with the CCHY guys. But that period was fun and enjoyable as we met and went out with them. Crazy funny bunch of guys haha. Still remember how I thought Weidong was really Malay and how much I hate him bcos he was so annoying lol!  Oh my flexibility was super duper chui back then. It can't even be called as flexibility man, my split is smaller than 90 degree and I already felt like dying. Can never forget how the coach and seniors forced us on our flexibility against the wall at T1A which made all of us cried like hell. It was so torturing! Not forgetting about those crazy wack PT period for months. Those were the days when training was so so so so tough I even have difficulty walking with aches almost everywhere. Pretty amazing that we didn't quit at that moment. Then it was the training camp, which brought our batch much closer and we actually have a clique of 10. And those days when they tried so hard to guess the password for my password-protected post haha. Not forgetting that time we were meeting almost everyday even w/o cheer. Haha still remember someone said "Actually if our life can everyday meet up like this plus cheer actually not bad hor, if only we don't have to worry about money". Can't believe we actually thought of things like this. So innocent back then? Haha. Year 1 I was one of the lousiest flyer I can say. I didn't have the ability, not talented, tall, heavy. Not surprising that I wasn't in the top 16. Still kinda stupid that I cried when they announced the top 16 even though we long ago already can expect the result. Probably was really afraid that I'll drift away with the guys.. Just struck me that they have much more impt things to achieve in cheer. Yet amazingly I still didn't quit cheer, so we formed the girls group. It was a different experience with the girls. Tried our best, didn't win anything but at least we had good memories :')

Year 1 was filled with fun and nothing else. Not so complicated politics as compared to now, and not so much responsibilities as compared to Year 2 and 3. If I can I really want to go back to those good old times in Year 1, even if we have to go through those insane PT training. At least we're still together, having fun..

Sometimes I really wonder if I should stay single forever. Life still goes on w/o the guys. No commitments, no responsibilities, no arguments, no sadness. Of course, not much happiness too.. But life's not that bad just by fangirling all my Korean boyfriends hehe. Will be better if they're really mine though :p 


But really kinda scared that I'm not thinking of getting a boyfriend. I wanted to get married by 23 yo de lehhhhh :/ Shall quickly save up and get a trip to Korea and find my Korean bf hehehehe! ^^

Wanting to write up a post about cheer competition but I'm very very lazy to do it. Shall do it other time when I'm not that lazy haha.

So.. I'm kinda lost in life now after competition is over. Life getting a little boring. Time were spent at work and repaying my social debts. Felt aimless out of the sudden, as if I'm living everyday just for the sake of living. I don't have anything to look forward to in the future as a long term goal. I don't really know what I'm supposed to do if NTU really not gonna accept me. To work, or to apply for ACCA? If I'm to work, how sure am I that I'm gonna get into a good company with a decent pay with my relevant diploma. And I really wonder if I still have the heart to apply for university again if I failed this time round. If only NTU faster confirm me I wouldn't have to worry about my life so much now.


And maybe I don't even need to find excuses to beat around the bush. I miss cheer. I... hate the conflicts. I don't want more people to get into the picture already. Maybe one day the Libra cannot stand it anymore, she'll just give in.. And when that day comes, I cannot imagine what will happen. It's gonna be a mess, bet people will start judging me.

Really not asking for much. Just wish we can hit an ASU routine which we'll enjoy as we perform. Praying that there's no more injuries, no more disappointments. Just more faith, more trust, more belief.

When I'm losing hope, they're encouraging me. I'm thankful for them. Maybe sometimes I took some of them for granted. I'm ashamed of that, and I'm guilty that sometimes things get worst or rather didn't manage to get better. Guess each and every one of us just need to feel appreciated. I believe that nobody wanna disappoint each other when people are believing in you. It's important to know that each and every one of us is important to the team. No matter what role we are dealing with. This fact, I finally realized when people starting to get injured. This is what I took them for granted. There's only so much we can do if one person is missing.. 

I know it's easier said than done. But I really don't want to leave any regrets on Sunday. I don't know how things gonna change after the competition. Don't know what different route we are going to take as most of us have graduated. How little chances we have to meet up, or even to train together as the top 16. How life is gonna separate us. Thinking of this scares me. I don't wanna lose any of them, and I bet I'll miss training with them. There's still so much stunts I wanna hit with them!!! Actually a part of me really hope we got chance to train together and compete together which I know it's highly impossible zz. And for this fact, I'm gonna treasure each and every training I've left with them. Only few days left.. Really just wanna enjoy this routine with no regrets. Just want everyone of us to be happy, just hope that everything gonna be worth it at the end of the day.

Jiayou Gusto, jiayou my teammates, jiayou my friends. We will make it happen, we sure will :)

Nonsense.